Moon Watcher Chronicles - The Old and the New

Happily resigning myself to my chronomical fate, 12:40 a.m., I'm not still up, I'm 5 hours rested, and ready to write. The striking thing about this is the powerlessness of the (still present) voices of the committee - the ones that test and judge my every thought to see if it meets the stringent criteria of anxious conformance to a long dead standard of perfection. Chronomical probably isn't a word - see?

Their powerlessness is in direct contrast with the serene voice of that power I've connected with in my recovery - reference your God (the one that gives you serenity); you understand in principle if not particular.

The strangest place to find fear today is in the melding of my old patterns of thinking, feeling, relating, with the new ones. First, that somewhere in the echos of those old patterns lies a trap set by my enemy - the dark hole I fell into before (that hole - the trap; my enemy - me and the committee).

But there's joyous adventure in rediscovering my path around the fears - turns out the committee has a benign role in reminding me to pay attention where I walk; when adjudicated by my Higher Power, with calm acceptance of the good parts of the path - where friendship and love reside - the sharp, observant voices become a gift to share. I'm guessing that the the actual sentence above is before and after the two hyphens (but it's only a guess).

Since I can haz my own blog (I love lol cats), I can start posts with mind-numbing monologue like that above and get away with it (here).


I ran across an old friend (the friendship, not the person) on YM yesterday, and though I only had a few minutes, I was happy re-connecting after about a year. My old friends (the sober ones) are the jewels I'm finding in my adventure today - even as I'm making new friends in my recovery. And who knew, I have a past in recovery too - I ran into another old (this time the person qualifies, somewhat) friend yesterday as well. This person had known me in the earliest part of my nearly 12 months of sobriety, back in December/January - before I went into the Salvation Army ARC. Nice to reconnect all around.

My first few days out are a mix of reconnecting, connecting, staying connected, and doing job/housing search. I'm also beginning to put together the curriculum for a beginning computer class I've volunteered to teach at the SA-ARC. Part of giving back in gratitude. This weekend I'm keeping a new pattern, with lots of meetings planned - some back in Oakland (a reasonable transit ride from Richmond). All of this represents a momentum I don't want to lose in my recovery, and so far, so good.