Banking on Amends

Tomorrow (3/11), I have my very first in-person job interview since I launched my job search last October. More on this below, but first...

One of the major financial amends I still need to make, is to the major banking institution that served me for many years (personal banking & credit services) before and during my alcoholic decline. These folks fronted me a great deal of money over that time; one perspective I've had was that they "gave me the rope to hang myself with" - and while that might be the case, I know today it wasn't their fault I chose to do so - winding up in serious default, teetering on bankruptcy (which could still happen, eventually). When I finally lost my job in late 2008, any chance of making good (as if I would have, in my then state), evaporated with it. Not surprisingly, I am now (probably via this institution filing) on the national "financial services bad list" - unqualified to hold any bank account at all (at major institutions anyway). As I continue to seek employment, the making of this (and other financial amends) starts to loom large on my horizon - something I'm actually grateful for today, as I do want to begin to clear up this self-inflicted damage as soon as possible.

Warning: The last sentence above is a bit of (literary) magician's sleight-of-hand - meant to lead you, the reader, down the merry path of dismissive assumptions, to the zinger coming below.

Back on the job search front, enter AbiliCorp - a disability-focused employment recruiting company, who got me the "hook-up" for the job interview tomorrow. I met with two AbiliCorp recruiting counselors on Monday - for the dual purpose of "interviewing" with them (I'd be an AbiliCorp contract employee for the first 90 days), and to prep me for the job interview at their client's office in San Francisco. These folks have "gone to bat" for me in no small terms, and they are convinced that I'm an excellent fit for a deep analytic consulting job on a short-term project the client is engaging to help them determine whether a longer-term project is viable. In other words, I'd be jumping in on the ground floor of a project that could literally take off for the sky...

The client? Well, it's inappropriate for me to name names here, but if you take into account my teaser above, you might have already guessed that the company I'm interviewing with tomorrow (hiring manager!) is none other than that very same major financial institution to whom I owe a ton of money. That's right, kids, I'm going into the lion's den and asking the lion if he can spare a pork chop. Surprisingly, even to me, the AbiliCorp folks (and yes, I'm practicing rigorous honesty here) think the issue won't be seriously relevant - and I shouldn't bring it up unless asked. Being as it's a major bank, a background check is a certainty - but the AbiliCorp folks believe (as I'm hopeful of) that given my good fit for the work, and assuming I interview well, my financial problems are pretty "typical" of this current economy, and the employer will probably disregard it as an employment issue.

Now enter my Higher Power (HP) - the reason I'm writing this post in the first place. I would guess that a lot of folks might think I'm a nut-case to waltz into the offices of a company I owe huge amends to and ask for a job. Maybe even the hiring manager would think that. But none of these (imagined) people know my HP the way I'm getting to. If there's one quality I can unquestioningly pin on my HP, it's a wild-ass sense of humor that ROCKS. The favorite thing my HP loves to do is shove my issues/defects in front of my face repeatedly in creative ways that I simply cannot miss - until I finally throw up my hands and say, "OK, I get it! I'll do it your way!" Case in point: this specific financial institution has been showing up in my job search (with near-perfect matching positions) over and over and over again, through online search engines, and numerous (same and different) recruiter calls. Up till now, I've been responsive, but lukewarm - but no more. This one is hot!

Here's the deal for tomorrow: I go in with no outcome assumptions at all. I might get a job, I might not. If I don't get a job, nothing bad has happened - I just keep rolling along with my job search, as I've been doing for months now. My job is to hunt for jobs. But tomorrow, with a fully prayed and meditated and "meetinged" (I'm able to attend one prior to my interview - thanks HP!) and therefor hopefully fit spiritual condition, I go, dressed to the nines, suit up and show up, to put my very best foot forward and explain to these folks how I might help them if they help me. Professionalism, humility, gratitude, and a willingness to be rigourously honest - because that's what my HP wants from me, no other reason - are my watchwords for the day. And there's the payoff, whether I get the job or not - I'll get the serenity of knowing I did the will of my HP, not my own (at least not my old will - the best result of which is a homeless shelter) - better than any prize I could hope to win. I do the footwork - my HP takes care of outcomes, and of me. That's the new deal in recovery, and it's a sweet deal indeed.